Contrary to what people may think, I do not like every note the Beatles ever recorded. Nobody is perfect, not even the Fab Four. There is a website called Something Else Reviews that I visit occasionally. They’ve done two articles on Beatles music they don’t like – Gimme Five: Songs Where the Beatles, well, Sucked! and Gimme Five: Songs Where the Beatles, well, Sucked (Again)! Marty Neubauer thought it might be something worth discussing on Facebook. So I’m laying down my marker here to get the discussion started.
Paul’s Granny Music
After the Beatles broke up, John Lennon was not shy about making known his distaste for some of Paul McCartney’s songs. He labeled these cheesy songs “granny music.” I’m inclined to agree. It is primarily because of these songs that John Lennon and George Harrison are my favorite Beatle and ex-Beatle (respectively). These songs are just too cutesy. To give the richest ex-Beatle his due, he’s written many songs that are, in a word, great. But the greatness sometimes gets overshadowed by the dreck. These were out of place on Beatles albums, but they would have been quite at home on Paul’s Kisses on the Bottom.
Maxwell’s Silver Hammer [Abbey Road, 1969] – A song that George would label “fruity,” this one is about a homicidal maniac. John refused to play on it. Ringo [ever the diplomat of the group] said the Beatles’ worst sessions were the recording of this song. This song keeps Abbey Road from being a perfect album. If I had to record this one repeatedly, I’d probably turn into homicidal myself. I’m surprised George and Ringo didn’t turn. Yes, it’s that bad.
Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da [The Beatles, 1968] – Paul McCartney tries his hand at Ska and fails miserably. This one got made and re-made until the group was sick of it. John was so pissed at doing take after take that he banged the piano furiously, and out of this anger came the intro we all know.
From Mark Lewisohn’s The Complete Beatles Recording Sessions:
“John Lennon came to the session really stoned, totally out of it on something or other, and he said, 'All right, we're gonna do Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da. He went straight to the piano and smashed the keys with an almighty amount of volume, twice the speed of how they'd done it before, and said, 'This is it! Come on!' He was really aggravated. That was the version they ended up using.”
From Geoff Emerick's book Here, There and Everywhere [the Beatles' recording engineer who quit after recording this song]:
“Throughout the preceding weeks I had noticed that John's behavior was becoming increasingly erratic — his mood swings were more severe, and they were occurring more frequently. That was definitely the case with the recording of 'Ob-La-Di, Ob-La-Da.' One moment he'd be into it, acting the fool and doing his fake Jamaican patois, the next minute he'd be sulking and grumbling about how the song was more of Paul's 'granny music shit.' [...] So when Paul announced several nights later that he wanted to scrap everything that had been done so far and start the song again from scratch, John went ballistic. Ranting and raving, he headed out the door, with Yoko trailing closely behind, and we thought that we'd seen the last of him that evening. But a few hours later he stormed back into the studio, clearly in a highly altered state of mind. 'I AM FUCKING STONED!!' John Lennon bellowed from the top of the stairs. [...] 'I am more stoned than you have ever been. In fact, I am more stoned than you will ever be!' [...] 'And this,' Lennon added with a snarl, 'is how the fucking song should go.' Unsteadily, he lurched down the stairs and over to the piano and began smashing the keys with all his might, pounding out the famous opening chords that became the song's introduction, played at a breakneck tempo. [...] 'Okay, then, John,' [McCartney] said in short, clipped words, staring his deranged bandmate straight in the eye. 'Let's do it your way.' [...] The remake, I had to admit, was quite good.”
I loathe this song with every fiber of my being. Who the hell cares about Desmond and Molly Jones?
Honey Pie [The Beatles, 1968] – This is a homage to the 1920s British music hall style. This is old music for old people. The grannies might dig it, but I do not.
When I’m 64 [Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, 1967] – See Honey Pie. Just because you can play music in a certain style doesn’t mean that you should.
She’s Leaving Home [Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band, 1967] – Two Beatles [John and Paul], harps and strings. This isn’t rock and roll – this is chamber music. This approach worked on Eleanor Rigby [because unlike this song, there was an actual tune], but not here.
Other Crap
There are songs in the Beatles’ canon I just don’t like and I would be just fine if I never heard them again. Some of these may surprise you…
The Long and Winding Road [Let It Be, 1970] – This song is so depressing. When I first heard this song it was the last song on the 1967-70 Blue album. It was the last song and I always associated it with the group breaking up. At first I thought it was bad because of the horns, harps, strings and female voices that Phil Spector dumped on this song like they were toxic waste. But when you hear it on Let It Be…Naked, all that crap is removed. Underneath it all, you realize the crap goes much deeper than the Spector’s Wall of Sound syrup. This song really sucks! Paul quit the Beatles over this? Perhaps this was what John referred to as the “shittiest load of badly recorded shit…”
Don’t Let Me Down [B-side, 1969] – This was the flip side of Get Back. This is a love song for Yoko that I’ve been trying to like since it came out. If it’s taken me this long to try to like it, I never will. Sorry John, but I don’t love Yoko either…
I Want To Hold Your Hand [Meet The Beatles, 1964] – Sure, this was the song that “broke” the Beatles in 1964. I must be one of the few Beatles fans that loathes and despises this song. I Saw Her Standing There was the flip side of the single. It was a much better song, and much more exciting. With the title of the song repeated ad nauseum, and those annoying handclaps, I can’t stand to hear it.
Revolution #9 [The Beatles, 1968] – What is understood need not be discussed.
You Know My Name [Look Up the Number] [B-side, 1970] – It was funny the first time, but after that…
Blue Jay Way [Magical Mystery Tour, 1967] – This single-chord dirge gets boring very quickly. How many times can George sing the line “Don’t be long”? Answer: 25.
Run For Your Life [Rubber Soul, 1965] – John wrote this song and even he hated it. Why should I like it?
Mr. Moonlight [Beatles For Sale, 1964] – What makes this song so bad? Paul’s cheesy organ. They recorded another cover called Leave My Kitten Alone [it’s on Anthology 2] during the same recording session that was much better than this steaming pile. Why they chose Mr. Moonlight when they had something much better remains a mystery.
They Just Bore Me
The Beatles recorded thirteen albums in seven years. There’s bound to be filler. These songs fit that category. This category isn’t “suckage” per se, but here are some more songs that if I never hear them again, I won’t miss them. In the beginning, there were many covers. Some of them were done very well [Twist and Shout, the Chuck Berry covers, the Carl Perkins covers, etc]. The others are listed below. But the more Lennon and McCartney wrote there weren’t so many of them. But that doesn’t mean that everything those two wrote was great, or even good. They’re just “there” taking up vinyl space [the definition of “filler”]. Here’s where it gets a little dicey, because what might sound good to me [Octopus’s Garden, for example] might sound like a novelty song to others.
Misery [Please Please Me, 1963]
Anna (Got To Him) [Please Please Me, 1963]
Chains [Please Please Me, 1963]
Boys [Please Please Me, 1963]
Ask Me Why [Please Please Me, 1963]
There’s a Place [Please Please Me, 1963]
Till There Was You [With The Beatles, 1963]
Please Mister Postman [With The Beatles, 1963]
You Really Got a Hold On Me [With The Beatles, 1963]
Devil In Her Heart [With The Beatles, 1963]
What Goes On [Rubber Soul, 1965]
Wait [Rubber Soul, 1965]
Every Little Thing [Beatles For Sale, 1964]
Words of Love [Beatles For Sale, 1964]
I Don’t Want to Spoil the Party [Beatles For Sale, 1964]
What You’re Doing [Beatles For Sale, 1964]
You Like Me Too Much [Help! 1965]
Tell Me What You See [Help! 1965]
Yellow Submarine [Revolver, 1966]
Your Mother Should Know [Magical Mystery Tour, 1967]
Baby, You’re a Rich Man [Magical Mystery Tour, 1967]
Wild Honey Pie [The Beatles, 1968]
The Continuing Story of Bungalow Bill [The Beatles, 1968]
Martha My Dear [The Beatles, 1968]
Piggies [The Beatles, 1968]
Don’t Pass Me By [The Beatles, 1968]
Long, Long, Long [The Beatles, 1968]
Only a Northern Song [Yellow Submarine, 1969]
All Together Now [Yellow Submarine, 1969]
Dig a Pony [Let It Be, 1970]
Dig It [Let It Be, 1970]
Maggie Mae [Let It Be, 1970]
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